Here's a little dance to Crocodile Rock!

This year was my turn to come up with an act for the elementary variety show. It was a perfect storm. The girls wanted to dance. I know NOTHING about dance. Well...unless you count that time I danced in a college lip sync show to Baby Got Back. It was real bad. 

I wanted to something retro, timeless, classic. A real crowd pleaser that would appeal to their peers, my peers and grandparents. I considered unearthing Baby Got Back, but landed on Crocodile Rock by Elton John. The girls were excited to do "that song from Gnomeo and Juliette!" I slapped myself in the forehead and let them believe it was a new song written specifically for that movie about garden statues going to war and falling in love. Oh boy.

I'm just going to cut to the chase on this one and show you some pictures and end with the video. Enjoy!

Thanks to Katie Gaudian for making the tails!

My crazies

The McKenna crazies

All of the crazies

Leprechaun Mirror

Today I'm going to share a tutorial for a cute St. Patrick's Day craft I made with a 1st and 2nd Grade Girl Scout Troop.

I started with the instructions on this site, but added a few more steps.

Supplies

• 1 hand mirror per child (from the Dollar Tree)
• 1 sheet of foam core per every 6 children (from the Dollar Tree; it's like a thick sheet of poster board)
• 1 pack of colored craft foam per every 4 children (from the Dollar Tree)
• Foam glue
• Scissors
• E-6000 glue
• Exacto knife, metal ruler, pencil and cutting board
• Template from the site that inspired me

You might have noticed the green felt in my supply picture. I was going to use it to make shamrocks, but I ran out of time.

1. Use the Exacto knife, metal ruler, pencil and cutting board to cut two 8" x 8" pieces of foam core for each child.

2. Trace the shape of the mirror on one of the squares and cut it out with your Exacto knife.

3. Use the cut piece of foam core as a template and trace it onto a colored craft foam that will be used as the background color. It's the blue piece in my daughter's example.

4. Use E-6000 glue to attach the cut-out foam core square to an in-tact square. It will form a perfect little nest for the mirror. Glue the mirror in place.

The mirror should be almost flush with the top piece of foam core.

5. Cut out the template pieces. Before you trace them onto the craft foam, lay them out on your mirror and adjust them if necessary. I did make the hair piece a little "taller" to fit my mirror.

6. Trace the template pieces on the craft foam. Cut them out just to separate them from one another, but let the children cut along the lines.

7. I like to create little place settings for crafts so the kids can get started right away. I covered my tables with plastic since we were working with glue and put the following in front of each chair: mirror glued to foam core, craft foam pieces ready to be cut out, and scissors. I also scattered a few things around the tables for the kids to share: foam glue, photos of the finished project, and paper towels. It's also smart to have a few extra supplies just in case someone makes a mistake. And don't forget to have a garbage bag or can handy!

Some of my girly girls did not want to use the beard. But my silly girls were all for it! This is a picture of the mirror my daughter made. She added some gold coins for a little something extra.

One Way Encounter

What should have been a nice Subway lunch with my husband turned into an awkward encounter. Although it wasn't really an encounter unless an encounter can be one way. I encountered, but the person I encountered didn't encounter me. Does that make sense?

Here's how it went down. TJ got up from the table, leaving me unprotected in the booth by myself. A guy I used to work with walked in and sat down in another booth, directly facing me.

There was absolutely nothing between our line of sight. I was about to say hi, but then he looked away without a trace of recognition. Then it went like this in my head.

Look away. He hasn't seen you yet. He'll notice you in a few seconds, so just pretend you haven't seen him yet.

Oh! I think he's looking! Look up and act surprised to see him.

Ooop! Nope. He didn't quite see me. I have no where else to look. Pick up my phone.

There! Now he's seen me. Try to time it to make him think we notice each other at the same time.

I almost said his name before realizing he didn't see me yet. It's a little too far away to shout a greeting, but I don't want to be rude. Is NOT saying anything more rude than shouting across the restaurant? Once he sees me, he'll realize that I would have had to see him. He'll know I was ignoring him.

Ok, he noticed!

No. No, he didn't. Maybe he did, but doesn't want to talk to me. Maybe he forgot who I am. No, he's too nice for that. I just saw him the other day, and we greeted each other by name. He knows me. He likes me.

Yes!

No!

I went back and forth lots more times before TJ finally came back from his adventure around Subway. That's when I realized that I was making this into a ridiculous situation. I snuck a photo and told TJ that I would explain later. In the end, I never got my encounter, and TJ was disappointed I wasn't taking a picture of something more exciting.

And now that I think about it, I don't know why I was so anxious for an encounter. It wouldn't have gone further than a couple words. And then I wouldn't have had a story at all.

My pedicure guy

My oldest daughter, Emma, is in 8th grade show choir.

You might not know what a big dealio show choir has become. Back in my day, we practiced a handful of times and did one show. We wore royal blue sequined crop tops with elastic-waisted black skirts. We were totally in it just to wear those sequined tops. Nobody got to wear sequined crop tops back then without being in show choir. We had three big moves. Low jazz hands, high jazz hands and the scandalous shoulder shimmy. There's WAY more to it now!

In a borderline-bad-mom move last weekend, I took Emma to a mall between her performance and the awards ceremony. She probably should have hung out with the other kids at the competition, but it's hard to say no when your 14-year-old daughter wants to spend time with you. I had a brilliant idea when we got to the mall. Pedicures! Well, pedicures for Emma and me. 8-year-old Gwen opted for a manicure.

As we waited for our turn, I noticed a young manly man guy come through the back door. I assumed he was there to visit a friend or maybe do some repair work. But much to my surprise, he pulled up a chair and started my pedicure. Here he is giving Gwen her manicure.


I really wish those paper towels weren't in front of my Gwen!

Here are some questions I asked:
- Are you from here? Yes.
- Do you have kids? No, but if I ever have a little girl, she'll have the best nails ever!

That's all I asked because I couldn't stop thinking of questions that might offend him:
- Is this your real job?
- Are you a tattoo artist at night?
- Why are you working here? Are you dating a girl who works here who is making you do this?
- When did you decide you wanted to do nails?
- So what do you want to do when you grow up?

Since I was speechless, the conversation was pretty much up to him. He told me about how he'd been out sledding with his buddies the night before. Sledding and drinking vodka. Oh, ok. As he was massaging my calf muscles, he told me that the ladies usually love that part because he has strong hands. I was speechless again and wondered if I was on some kind of reality show. Evidentally not.

Black Friday #2: The Creepy Thing I Found in the Walgreens Toy Aisle

A picture really is worth a thousand words. I saw this in the toy aisle of the Marshalltown Walgreens.

IN THE TOY AISLE!

In case it wasn't clear from that picture, it's a ready-to-paint Spider-man! I'm not sure this was a great idea for a toy. It may have sounded good on paper, but I would have thought someone would have put the breaks on the project after seeing a sample.

I was tempted to buy it, but was trying really hard to be responsible with my Black Friday budget. I couldn't stop thinking about this thing! So the next day, I went to the Waterloo Walgreens and found a whole stack of naked Spidies on top of the shelf above the adult diapers. I was SUPER excited! Until.......Until. I had a few minutes to examine the figurines while I waited for the Walgreens guy to come with a ladder. The Waterloo Spidies didn't seem as "well off" as the one I'd seen in Marshalltown. I wasn't sure if I had built it up in my mind, so I brought up my pictures of the originally spotted Marshalltown Spidey. The one in my pictures definitely appeared to be better off. Either there was a Spidey miracle or something went right wrong with that mold! 

I do hope that someone saw the potential in that one-of-a-kind Spidey in the Marshalltown Walgreens and that he brings joy to a special someone!

Black Friday #1: Why my sister and I went to the Kmart four times

My sister, Sara, and I had a blast on our traditional Black Friday shopping adventure in good ole' Marshalltown, Iowa. There's no Target, no Best Buy, no Home Depot, no Lowe's, no full-line Sears, no Gordman's, no Kohl's, no Old Navy. BUT, there were only a fraction of shoppers, and that's why we love it!

Here's the first part of the story about my most critical purchase. Black Friday #2 will tell the tale of the creepy thing we found in the Walgreens toy aisle.

Trip #1 to the Kmart
Approximately  9pm on Thursday
Sara and I were so happy to find our own cart that we didn't even mind the attached baby seat or the discarded empty beer can. We scouted out the 5am "big things" Doorbuster that I was dead set on getting for the girls. I was nervous because I needed three of them. It was no where to be found, but I vowed to return. (I can't tell you what the "big thing" is because it will ruin the surprise!)

Trip #2 to the Kmart
Approximately 4:40am on Friday
We arrived early for my "big thing" 5am Doorbuster. It was frigid! We waited in our car, like a few other eager beavers. We strategized about what the other people were after, convincing ourselves that their "big things" weren't the same as MY "big things".

I couldn't stand the anticipation and got out of the car at 4:49. We were about 12th in line, and I was sure I would get my "big things"! The funny thing is that NO ONE in line talked about their "big things". It reminded me of lining up for a track event. Intensely competitive.

DOORS OPEN!! HEART BEATING FAST!! Sara and I speed walked directly to the electronics department, but they directed us to customer service. We rushed over and were first in line. We spotted three of my "big things" behind the counter. Hoo Ha! Then the customer service girl told me that two were already spoken for with vouchers, so only one was available. BOO!!! I pointed out the ad that said "At least 6 per store," but the associate said they'd only received three. Not cool, Kmart! I didn't know what to do, so I bought the one remaining "big thing".

The lady in line behind me also asked for the "big thing" I had just cleaned them out of. I felt a little badly because I didn't even know if I would keep the one I had just bought.

We left the store with me mumbling about something being fishy. Something very fishy. I vowed to call Kmart headquarters and to get to the bottom of the situation. At least 6 per store. At least 6 per store. At least 6 per store! Grrrrrrrrr!

Menards
I bought three things that were disappointing replacements for the "big things" I couldn't get at the Kmart. But it was important to get three of the same "big things"!

My sister and I asked for help finding the chain binder on my dad's list. Three helpful Menard's men helped us find the chain binders and thoroughly demonstrated the gadget. They emphasized that we would want two chain binders. But they didn't understand that our dad is extremely precise, and the item was singular on his list. So we took two chain binders. Then we waited for the Menard's men to go away, and we put one back. And we were right. He wants one chain binder.

Trip #3 to the Kmart
6:40am on Friday
I went to return my "big thing" at the Kmart since it was no bueno unless I could get three. The customer service rep was excited to see me. She told me one more of my "big things" was available. So close, but I needed three, not two. Then she leaned forward and whispered that the third one would be available for  me in 20 minutes if no one came forward with the voucher. :D Yeah!

Trip #4 to the Kmart
7:00am on Friday
I GOT THREE "BIG THINGS!" Christmas is saved at la casa de Schaffer! Fa la la la la! La la la la!

Thank you customer service girl at the Marshalltown Kmart!!! 

The Day I Sent a Text to the Wrong Person

I had an unfortunate texting incident. I sent a text to my hardworking husband. Only it went to my hardworking husband's FRIEND. This particular friend happens to be my husband's lieutenant at the fire station.

TJ was about to finish up his shift at his part time job at Dick's Sporting Goods on Black Friday. He was about to join me at my parent's house. I wanted to encourage him after a long day and also asked him to bring me a couple things.

To best experience this post, you must now pretend you are my husband's lieutenant. And you've just received a text from me.

Start reading with the text I wrote in green.

I about died.