Monday, January 20, 2014

I accidently strangled my toe

In honor of my toe and millions of other injured toes, I beg you to please throw away your socks that have holes in them. Do not donate them or give them away. First of all, that's disgusting. Second of all, they're dangerous. Save the toes, people.

Let me tell you a slightly embarrassing story. A few days ago, I decided to get on the old treadmill. I noticed a tiny hole in my sock as I was getting ready, but I decided it would be ok. I was afraid I might lose my motivation in the time it took to find and change into a better pair.

About a half mile into my five mile walk/jog, I noticed that my toe had poked through the hole in the sock. It was slightly uncomfortable, but I knew I wouldn't get back on the treadmill if I stopped to fix it. No pain, no gain, blah, blah, blah.

When I finally stopped, I immediately took off my sock and freed "this little piggy stayed home," which is the second toe for those of you who don't remember the rhyme. I was expecting instant relief, but it is still hurting after FOUR DAYS. I've limped. I've elevated. I've whined. But I haven't looked at it even once. I just can't, and I can't ask anyone else to look at it either. To be honest, I'm afraid of what I might see. I would post a photo here, but that would mean looking, and I'm not ready to do that.

Now do you see what I'm saying? Please help spread the word. Clean out those sock drawers. Your newer socks will enjoy the extra room and your toes will stay nice and safe. Please don't let this happen to you or anyone you know. Are you with me?

P.S. Here's the piggy poem in case you can't remember it.

   This little piggy went to market.
   This little piggy stayed home.
   This little piggy had roast beef.
   This little piggy had none.
   This little piggy went wee wee wee
   All the way home.

P.P.S. It's always bothered me that home and none don't rhyme or even have the same vowel sound. Also, I've always wondered where the little piggy was coming home from? Did he go to market with the big piggy? If so, the two piggies who did and didn't have roast beef interrupt the flow of the story. Did they go to market? Did piggy number three eat his roast beef at the market?

Here's a better version, don't you think?

   This little piggy ate bananas.
   This little had bread.
   This little piggy had roast beef.
   This little piggy was fed.
   This little piggy went wee wee wee
   All the way to bed.