Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Let's Get this Party Started!

This is my first post on my first blog, so let's get some things straight. Here are a few things I will not commit to:
  • A regular blogging schedule. Please don't count on me to provide your daily dose of blog nutrition. It's more like a homemade peanut butter cookie that your grandma sometimes lets you have after your afternoon nap. It's the kind of peanut butter cookie with a chocolate star candy pushed in the middle. The thing about perfect peanut butter cookies with a chocolate star is that there is no known way to predict when a fresh batch is going to magically appear in the cookie jar. Just keep checking back and never give up hope.  
  • A specific topic. Focus IS NOT MY STRONG SUIT. I would love to zero in on crafting, but I don't always have crafting time or mojo. Besides, what if something spectacular happens, but it doesn't fit into my blog theme? You would want me to tell you, wouldn't you? That's what I thought. You talked me into it. No theme. Life is unpredictable, and so am I.
  • Proper grammar. I will write run-on sentences I will do it often. Sometimes fragments. I will end sentences with a preposition if I want to. I will often interject a word in espanol*. I will use the word "pop" to describe soda and the word "stinky" to describe poop. And I will start and end sentences with the word and. You are correct to assume this is done on purpose as part of my writing style.
Things I may cover:
  • Colorful tales from my past, present and future
  • Crafts and creative ideas
  • Public restroom reviews
  • Book reviews
  • Recipes (I solemnly vow to keep my recipes out of public restrooms.)
I promise not to write about politics on my blog, but here's a list of all the important issues, just in case you want to know where I stand. These are my personal beliefs that I keep close to my heart, and therefore are not up for discussion, thank you muy mucho*.
  • Helicopters: pro
  • Cameras that catch you speeding: no
  • Seat belts: pro
  • Syphilis: no
  • Dentists: pro
  • Cocaine: no
  • Kittens: pro
  • Prostitution: no
  • Cheese: pro
  • Spiders: no
  • Parking within marked parking spots: pro
If you want to tell me that spiders are good because they help control the insect population, please google images of "spider mouths" and refer to my statement about "not up for discussion."

* Please read the names of foreign cities or countries with your natural English accent. For example, it drives me bonkers when a native English speaker is talking along normally until they suddenly enunciate Madrid (not Madrid, Iowa, which has a completely different pronunciation), with a strong Spanish accent, and then go back to their Midwest English accent. Know what I'm talking about? That makes my mouth twitch. Same thing goes for Paris. Don't call it "Pear-ee" unless you are speaking French. I realize you're trying to sound sophisticated, but it backfires. In case you are wondering, there is also a Paris, Iowa. I come from a little town called Gladbrook, Iowa. I believe it's the only place in the world with that name. Yes, I do realize this footnote exemplifies my lack of focus.

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