Sunday, August 26, 2012

Ugly Twins

Do you think you have an ugly twin? I think everyone does. Or maybe half of us do, and the other half has a pretty twin. It's my ugly twin theory.

Haven't you done a double take because you see a person who looks very much like someone you know, only one of them is significantly less attractive than the other? Something about their facial structure is the same, only the less attractive person's features are a little crooked, or maybe a little swollen. It's hard to identify what makes it so. It's fascinating.

I first noticed it in college. I dated a guy that had an ugly twin on campus. It was a small college, so I often saw the ugly twin around campus. I even knew his name. Ugly Twin was a nice guy, just not attractive. Not at all. On several occasions, I caught a glimpse of Ugly Twin and thought he was my boyfriend. I almost called out to him a couple times. I never told anyone because I didn't want them to think my boyfriend looked like that other guy. I especially never told my boyfriend. I didn't yet understand that having an ugly twin doesn't make you ugly. I did think about it quite a bit. In my head, I called Ugly Twin, "the guy who looks like my boyfriend on a very bad day." The theory was taking shape.

Over the years, I've seen a few more ugly twins. Sometimes the ugly twin isn't an ugly person on their own, unless you compare them to the pretty twin. It's relative ugliness. I also think that no one is able to recognize their own ugly or pretty twin. If you really want to know if you have one, start asking people if they've seen yours. But please don't get offended if your twin is really ugly or if you are the ugly twin. It has no bearing on your own level of stand-alone attractiveness.

I wish I could show you pictures of some ugly twin examples, but there is no nice way to that. 

Non-Biologial Twins
There are also twins where people simply look very much alike with the same level of attractiveness. I once was on jury due where the suspect had been seen stealing a truck. The owner of the truck chased him down and held him until police arrive. The suspect tried to blame it on another guy in the area that people said looked just like him. And who was wearing the exact same clothing. We found him guilty.

I will give you an example of my niece, Rebecca, who looks very much like a Anne Hathaway. Don't you think? Let me know if anyone is looking to hire an Anne Hathaway impersonator.

And I can't see it myself, but I've been told my non-biological twin is Jessica Alba.

Cross-Cultural Twins
There are also cross-cultural twins where people of different ethnicities look very much alike. Here's an example from Meet the Fockers, where Greg becomes convinced that Jorge is his Hispanic love child.
I have wondered if I have Hispanic, French or African look-alikes. Do you think I do? Once when I was in the Walmart, and a woman I didn't recognize came running up to me all excited. I couldn't understand what she was saying because she was Bosnian and thought I was her Bosnian friend. That's how I know I have a Bosnian cross-cultural twin. Too bad I wouldn't recognize her if I ever saw her because of that thing about not being able to recognize my own twin. .

How it Happens
I'm not a DNA-iologist, but maybe there are only a certain number of facial features and to certain number of ways to combine those features. Maybe God is playing a giant, complicated game of Mr. Potato head.


  1. Ann...i want to know my twin. I don't care if I'm the ugly one. Just make it good!!!

  2. Yeah, I definitely don't see the resemblance between Jessica Alba and the author....