Friday, August 10, 2012

Midget Wrestling

I saw something exciting yesterday on my drive into Chicago! There's a place near Elizabeth, Illinois called Shark's Roadhouse. I've never gone inside, but I bet it's similar to that dance place just outside the county line where Wren took Ariel in the original Footloose.  Here's a picture from their website.

I noticed a sign outside the place that said "8pm Fri Midget Wrestling." That's tonight! I wish I lived a little closer because that sounds like an awesome night of fun. I went online and found pictures of the headliners. Look at the stars on the leg of Starla's outfit! Oh, I want to go, don't you?!

I had a lot of time in the car by myself yesterday, and I spent some of that time thinking about becoming a Giant Midget Wrestler. I have always dreamed big. I'm only 5'3", so I'm not too much taller than a dwarf. And I think I might be pretty good at midget wrestling. Anyway, my guess is that midget wrestling is more about showboating than actual wrestling. And I can showboat with the best of the showboaters. I basically just need an incredible outfit and a website to get started with this.

Before changing carreers, I did some research on midget wrestling income potential. jobs found. That is disappointing. My theory is that most people enjoy watching midget wrestling (admit it!), but there simply aren't enough midget wrestlers in this part of the country. Ding! Ding! Opportunity! You better bring it, Starla! Sha-bango!

Well, I'm off to the Hobby Lobby with my 40% off coupon to find some spandex and glitter. Don't worry, TJ. I can write it off on our taxes as a business expense. Does anyone have a suggestion for a stage name? Starla is already taken, so think of something more exciting.


  1. At 5'3'', you would still tower over the actual midgets so... Anndre the Giant.

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